Guest Post: What I’ve learned from combining finances with my husband
NOTE: I’m kicking off a new feature here at GMBMFB – I will soon be accepting guest posts which will (most likely) run on my blog every other Friday. If you’re interested in submitting an article to me, stay tuned! There will be more information in the coming weeks. Anyway, I’m so excited because today’s guest post is from the lovely Amber Gilstrap over at Blonde and Balanced!
Hi Give Me Back My Five Bucks readers! My name is Amber Gilstrap and I blog over at Blonde & Balanced – a personal development blog about striking a balance in life, health, and money. I’m so happy to be guesting here today because GMBMFB was one of the first personal finance blogs I ever read and because Krystal is really one of my favorite bloggers/people ever!
On to the purpose of this post: I just got hitched a couple months ago to my super amazing hubby (creatively named “G” on my blog). After we got married and returned from our tropical honeymoon bliss, we combined our finances. We’ve been planning to combine finances for years now, so the transition was pretty smooth. Still, there are a few things I’ve learned since our two bank accounts became one…
We’ve assumed our individual “roles”. It’s funny how fast you assume roles when you’re working as a team. Our natural talents seemed to take over; he’s doing the budgeting, bank account maintenance, and investing, and I’m doing the spending. Justttt kidding. I’m more into the saving and frugality, freelancing and making side income, and dealing with the “big” stuff (planning a wedding, working with the realtor). It works out great because I really dislike meticulous budgeting and he doesn’t seem to enjoy the big projects as much as I do.
I notice his spending more. Back in the days before we were married, I didn’t seem to really mind how much money he spent or how frequently he spent it. We have always talked very openly about our finances, but I never really took serious note of his habits. And I don’t think any of his spending habits are bad ones, I just seem to notice them more since I’m thinking of it as partly my money now.
We’re working together to reach goals. In the same way that his and her finances become our finances, his and her goals become our goals. I think this has to be the best part about getting married and combining finances. It’s fun to work towards something together and get excited together about reaching savings goals. It’s pretty fun (albeit, in a nerdy way) to check our savings accounts together, compare houses online together, and work out our first budget together.
I’m sure there are many other things I’ll learn about my new hubs and his financial habits and the days and weeks roll by, but so far things have been pretty smooth sailing and fun, if I do say so myself. We’re bound to have disputes along the way, but I think we’ve built a solid foundation of teamwork and we’ll be able to work through anything.
Do you combine finances with your significant other? Why or why not?
Amber Gilstrap is a newly-married CPA living in Kansas City. She blogs at Blonde & Balanced. She’s also the social media coordinator, assistant editor, and contributing blogger at MoneyUnder30.com.
41 Responses to “Guest Post: What I’ve learned from combining finances with my husband”
Author comments are in a darker gray color for you to easily identify the posts in the comments
Leave a Reply
As seen in…
Recent Comments
Categories
- annual goals (24)
- banking (27)
- blog (192)
- budget (96)
- car (41)
- contest (26)
- credit card (20)
- credit score (10)
- debt (28)
- design business (37)
- down payment (28)
- education (15)
- EI (16)
- emergency fund (18)
- entertainment (194)
- fitness (165)
- guest post (19)
- health care (56)
- housing (59)
- investing (43)
- job (301)
- making money (55)
- miscellaneous (308)
- monthly challenge (52)
- monthly goals (118)
- motivation (38)
- property (43)
- recipes and food (27)
- relationship (121)
- retirement (30)
- saving money (179)
- scooter (24)
- spending (447)
- sponsored post (10)
- tax refund (23)
- travel (314)
- vlog (2)
- weekly spending recap (93)
Oh Krystal, I am as interested as an interested thing from Interesting Town in Interesting Ville. I WOULD LOVE TO GUEST WRITE FOR YOU !!!!
My recent post Food Waste Friday
Since my wife and I have the same financial goals (to be mortgage free and retire early) it only made sense to combine our bank and investment accounts. This way we know exactly how much money we have and how much we owe. It works out well but both of us are on the same page when it comes to money and both of us tend to be frugal in nature.
My recent post Leveraging other’s experiences
I'm getting married in October and I think it's going to be interesting combining our finances. We've lived together for a while now so we're pretty used to sharing bills, food, etc. so our plan is to open a joint checking account for those sorts of things and then we also have a joint savings account for other big things we want to save up for together. We'll each keep our separate checking accounts with a little extra spending money in them.
My bf and I have talked about it and we are both more set on keeping finances separate but having a joint bank account and contributing a % of our income into it. Which I think is a good middle ground. But this will not be happening for some time so who knows if it actually pans out. I know my parents have always had everything joined and it works great for them..
My recent post coco
That's awesome. I think the most important part of anything related to marriage and finances is just talking it out and deciding on a system that works for you. Just talking about it is super helpful!
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
Seriously, if I wanted to read what this blogger, or any other blogger, had to say then I would read their blogs.
Hey Annie!!! I'm just helpin Krystal out because she has like a gazillion writing responsibilities "write" now (get it, haha). Anyways, I would like to note that Krystal posts every single day which is much better than other bloggers, so I think it's okay for her to take a break every now and then. I sure hope you enjoyed my post!
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
Very suave reply! And for that I will now read your blog.
thanks, kim! :)
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
Hi Annie – I think it's a really good idea, every now and then, to have a fresh voice on a blog. I've gone 4.5 years writing nearly every day on GMBMFB, and Amber was kind enough to help me out while I'm away on vacation. I really appreciate her help! :)
don't want to read what the blogger has to say, then don't! seems pretty simple to me.
A talk show without guests would make the talk show blah… I think having a guest blogger write a post from time to time is a great way to keep a blog interesting and also promote the guest. If it wasn't for Krystal, I would have never know about let alone read Amber's blog. Thanks Krystal!
Martilyo!
angrymillionaire.com
My recent post Home is where you hang your sombrero part 1
Amber at Krystal's blog is like being told you can have chocolate syrup on your rocky road ice cream. Tasty.
My recent post Fragments of the Past Few Weeks
I heart you. :)
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
As someone who's getting married in less than a year, this is really helpful. I never thought I'd lean towards combining finances… but I am.
Glad it was helpful! :)
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
Oops hit submit too fast! Even though we are only engaged, I think both of us feel a sense that the money is much more "ours" than it ever has been. Even though the money is separate, I know that whatever I spend on XYZ is a resource I am taking away from our life together (say, like a honeymoon), and he feels the same way. That doesn't stop me from buying something, but it makes me think harder. Now my decisions don't just impact me, they impact both of us.
My recent post Giveaway Winners: Novica & Pearls of Joy
We have combined finances and it has worked very well. We have a budget and each get some money every month to spend however we want. We also try to stay even on big purchases that only one of us benefits from (for me, a road bike; for him, a rifle). It's also been good for me because I tned to be a spender and he is a saver so we balance each other out.
Married 3 years and combined finances on day 1… has never been an issue till a few months ago when he received an inheritance worth about $600k after his father passed earlier this year. (I should note that per his father's wishes, the majority of the inheritance is in my hubby's name only, and if he were to die before we had kids, it would all go back to his siblings.) Now I don't feel like an equal partner in financial decisions anymore, even though I'm the one who has always provided a steady paycheck and he has tried and failed in sales over the years. (He was fired recently because he had the lowest sales that month, and is between jobs right now.)
What happens when we disagree on what to do with "our" money? I want to pay off my student loans ($35k). He wants to buy an investment property in cash ($100k). His wishes will always trump mine (where before we have always had equal weight), because it isn't really "my" money. Any solution I can think of only divides us farther and I am in an endless loop trying to assign arbitrary values and worth to each's contribution. It is maddening! I wish I could just turn it all off in my head.
I am sorry to hear that Amy. Any money that comes into your marriage is "our" money. It does not sound like he is acting like he is married. In my opinion, I would take the money and pay off any and all consumer debt, including your student loan. It really sounds like you both need marriage counseling. "His' and "her" money is not what was intended when you both got married. As far as the inheritance going back to his siblings, I am not too sure about that one. If it is his inheritance and your husband passes, it becomes part of his estate, which you are entitled to since you are his wife. Obviously another good idea for you both to have wills. I would sit down with him and talk to him about the money. It is not like you are wanting to go buy a brand new exotic sports card. He almost sounds like he is a little kid that has money burning a hole in is pocket. Checkout my website angrymillionaire.com It is new, however set up to help people get out of debt and stay out of debt. Don't let him "blow" all of this money. Bad idea. Hope this helps!
Martilyo
My recent post Save, spend, give! How to teach your children the proper way of handling money at an early age
"As far as the inheritance going back to his siblings, I am not too sure about that one. If it is his inheritance and your husband passes, it becomes part of his estate, which you are entitled to since you are his wife." This is not true, as long as it was specified in the fathers will, and the money is kept in his name. As soon as the money is placed in a joint account the money would become part of the estate.
However, have you spoken to your husband about your feelings of being unequal. This is something that you have to decide as a team – that's what the mariage is about. Bsides, with 600k you should be able to pay for both of your wishes.
I will add that when I lost my father 2 years ago, there was a lot of pressure from my family to 'be careful with the money' – I had only been married 6 months….so maybe he is feeling some family pressure? Or even some uncertainty about what his dad's wishes were? Best of luck!!
From a legal standpoint, once hubby has accepted the money it becomes 'your' (hubby and yourself) money. Regardless of what is stated in the will, once accepted it call null and void clauses in the will, in this case that it is only 'his' money. Should something happen to hubby that money will reinvert back to his estate, which you as the wife, then have full access to. The rules of family law will overthrow the rules of his father's estate.
I agree with the below posting, councelling may be needed… it seems like has caused already evident cracks in the relationship to become deep crevices… better to invest some of this money into your relationship and fix it while you can… or else, under the family law act, you are entitled to half that 600K – regardless as stipulated in the will.
This isn't true….as long as he keeps his money in an account the is not joint inheritance does NOT automatically become "joint"….its only joint once the partners name is put on it.
Many newly married couples forget to talk about important issues before marriage. The top of the list is money. Before getting married, there should not be any secrets about finances. Both parties should "disclose" what they make, what they spend and what they owe. If the answer is "It's none of your business" Then they have no business getting married. The #1 subject married couples fight about is money. They should both sit down and come up with a budget, strategy for getting out of debt (if any), retirement plan, college savings and so on and so forth. Krystal, I am liking the guest post idea. I would like to be a guest sometime. Let me know!
To your financial health–Martilyo!
My recent post Save, spend, give! How to teach your children the proper way of handling money at an early age
I'm lucky to have my PoppaStar as my husband. He's so laxed about the whole finance I have running in our household. He has volunteered to assist with the budget and such but is also comfortable letting me run the whole entire show. We have combined our finances since day one even before marriage. I know a lot will disagree but it worked for us even until now. People say money is the root of all evil in relationships once you have that conquered between the 2 of you nothing can tear you down.
My recent post Check Check Checking in
I love the idea of guest posting, and would love to be part of it. I'm like Amber in the fact that Krystal's blog is one of the first few that sparked my interest (obsession) into personal finance and blogging. I love both Krystal and Amber's websites so this is a great match up.
It can be difficult and definitely a change to merge finances with your partner. But it seems that you are getting the hang of it and being successful at it. Bravo and good luck in the future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
My recent post The Jenny Pincher and Taking Advantage of People
I've been married for 5 and a half years and we combined our money right from the start. When anything major comes up we discuss what to do with the money together. One thing that I always recommend is budgeting spending money for each partner to with as they like. I would be interested in guest posting as well!
My recent post free school printables
Loved this! We combined money more gradually, as after awhile I decided it would make life simpler for us instead of more complicated. While for cash flow reasons (ok – mainly just too lazy to reorganize our accounts thus far), we still each have our own accounts, but all of our goals, savings, and budgets are totally joint.
So exciting to see two of my favorite bloggers on one page! :)
My recent post Summer Weekends
i could have seen us taking longer, but we both kind of forced each other into it. the biggest help was that ING is SUPER easy to combine accounts, so after that it was kind of a domino effect.
i was pumped to be able to guest on krystal's blog! :)
My recent post Guest Post at Give Me Back My Five Bucks
Interesting post. I often wonder how weird it will be to combine my finances with another person. I make plenty of financial mistakes, but at the moment they only affect me, and I know I have enough savings to dig myself out of them. It terrifies me to think about combining my finances with another person. Actually, now that I think of it, I don't want to get married for this reason. I'd rather keep my finances separate, except for housing (assuming I'd be living with my significant other) which I'd be ok splitting 50/50, and food, which we can share budget on as well. Kids will be another story, but until then I'd want everything to be separate.
My recent post Life After a DUI: Why I’m the Lucky One
My husband and I decided we would pay off our respective pre-wedding debts before combining finances. We both didn't feel it was fair to come into a marriage and burden the other with our debt. I am fine with this because I wanted the satisfaction of paying off my student loans without help and I don't have to feel resentful for paying off his 'fun years'.
What happened when the pastor stated "and now you are one"? Your money along with many other things should be intimate or combined when you are married. I guess it is my opinion that when you start a marriage with aspects kept separate it is just a beginning to disaster later. If you are planning to be married until "death do us part" then you should not feel resentful for anything. Again, not to be disrespectful, just my opinion.
Martilyo http://www.angrymillionaire.com
My recent post Home is where you hang your sombrero part 1
Well we were 'united as one in Christ' not in 'one bank account'. We both agreed from day 1 we wanted to pay off our respective debts before we had a joint account whether it be before or after the wedding. It ended up taking us 6 months post wedding when we both no longer had any debt and made the big merge. I would not have done it any other way and glad I had the opportunity to pay off all 100k of my student debt un-assisted. I am sure it doesn't work for everyone but it obviously didn't hurt our marriage.
My recent post Georgina Bedding – Step Two – Gathering
I have been married for 17 years, 3 children, we both make really good incomes and it all goes into one account. From there is divided up for mortgage, cars, bills, etc. Then after all the budget amounts are sent to their accounts (savings, emergency fund etc) We each get an allowance of agreed amount that we can blow on anything we want no questions asked. if one of us wants a super expensive item that is more of want that any kind of need and only they would enjoy then we save our "alllowances" until we have the amount to purpose. This has helped us to not really fight over money except when it is time to replace cars – He wants the cool one, I want the practical one :) We even have set clothing costs for each family member, athletic fees ect that we put aside a small amount for and everyone has to stay in these limits. I one child want to do two sports and there's not enough in their sport budge they have to babysit, cut grass somehow earn the extra amount to do both.
We combined our finances from day one, which was important to us, since we knew that over the years, we'd have different roles and incomes. In our 7 years of marriage, we've had 1 year where we both worked full time (he's been a student, I've been a full-time mom). Separate finances works well when you make similar amounts of money, but what happens when one of you is not making any? Our marriage is an equal partnership in everything, including our finances.
We've been married almost two years and never combined our finances. We have a very clear division of who pays what. We take turns buying the weekly groceries, we split our expenses based on our incomes (he pays for more on a monthly basis because he earns more, etc.) and we're very open about what we're earning and spending – we just haven't merged bank accounts yet, and I like it this way. If he wants to spend money on a new TV, I don't have to feel like I'm paying for a TV we don't need – and likewise for him contributing to my 400th pair of shoes. It's worked for us so far! I don't think we've ever argued over money.
My recent post Fridays are for fetuses. 28 week update!
I'm with Amy on this front. I live with my boyfriend and we split expenses based on our incomes too- he also earns more than me. It feels fair in that respect. Even if we got married, I'd rather not combine finances. It would make me feel as though I need to justify my spending habits to him (and him to me), which I'd rather steer clear of having to do.
Financial planning is very necessary for everyone. I realized it after getting married and soon me and my wife both decide to save and invest some money each month to make our future secure.
I think that if you're married you should join your finances, absolutely, because it brings the couple together. There are no secrets, "my money"/"your money" hidden or otherwise. It's just better for the relationship most of the time and it would probably give more opportunity for the couple to talk about finances. I am a little disappointed about the 600K inheritance story by Amy. Maybe the guy is not quite as quality as he seemed when Amy got married. Money sometimes makes people's character defects become apparent.
My recent post Happiness is a Handful of Dirty Cheerios: An Antidote to the Miserable Family
I think for some people, keeping a sense of financial independence is necessary – even when it comes to marriage. I have a hard time believing that I will ever fully combine my finances with somebody. I want to have my own money, and my own savings, along with joint accounts with my partner.
[...] already written a couple posts about the process of combining our finances on Money Under 30 and Give Me Back My Five Bucks, so I won’t go into depth on the topic here. What I will say is that combined bank accounts [...]