Navigating dating and personal finance
As a short follow-up to my post about using coupons on the first date, over the past week I haven’t been able to subtly convince anybody to use a coupon with me. I even straight-up asked a guy on a first date what he thought about using coupons. He just laughed at me, then looked a little horrified when he realized I was serious.
My official stance on using coupons on a first-date is that I would have a neutral-to-somewhat-positive reaction to it. I don’t think I’d be high-fiving the guy if he pulled out a coupon (like I previously thought my reaction could be), yet I don’t think I’d be offended or think negatively if they decided to use a coupon either. However, after reading all of your comments, and after getting laughed at on a first date, I’ve concluded that I don’t think it would ever happen. There’s just too much of a stigma attached to it.
I think when it comes to dating, a big adjustment I will have is not being so open about my finances. It’s hard though, because personal finance isn’t just a hobby to me anymore – it’s part of who I am. I generate an income from writing about it, have made good friends through blogging, and it’s what I’m really interested in. So when someone asks what I do for a living or what my hobbies are, I can either lie and not mention writing/blogging, or I can be honest. It’s a fine line, because if I don’t mention it, a quick internet search will bring up every single detail about my finances for the world to see anyway. Which one of the reasons why I remained anonymous for so long. It was okay when I was in a long-term relationship, but now that I’m single and putting myself out there, I feel somewhat self-conscious.
I went on a date with someone recently who had Googled me (without me even telling him my full name), found my Moneyville articles, and proceeded to read a few of them (proving I’m not the only internet stalker in this area code). I didn’t hold it against him, because I totally Googled stalked him too. But the point is, I don’t think I can get away without mentioning that personal finance/blogging is a huge part of my life, yet it’s something about me that I don’t want them to know about. But, it’s the internet. You can’t hide from it, and it knows everything about everything.
18 Responses to “Navigating dating and personal finance”
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Sounds like a match made in heaven…google stalking each other on the first date. ;)
My recent post 20 Something Personal Finance Goals
If I were you, I'd probably say I'm into creative writing if somebody asks me about my hobby.
My recent post The end in sight
Just wondering how you are able to start dating so quickly after your break up. I broke up with someone 4 months ago who I was with for 5 years and can't imagine going on a date yet and I was the one who broke up with him! How are you able to do it?
Nothing matters except saving a buck. She was only with him for the free rent.
I think that's a really rude thing to say. If you have been reading my blog at all over the past year, you'll know that is absolutely false.
Blogging is somewhat of a diary of our thoughts. It's like the guy who is interested in you has a way of getting to know you without actually being there with you. This is okay but the fact is you can't do the same… unless of course the guy also had a blog to perv.
My recent post Emergency 1 – Sew Curtains for Washer-Dryer
Exactly. It's like he gets to know my thoughts and feelings, and I don't get the same. It's a weird feeling! Especially talking about something so personal, like money.
If the guy can't get over the fact that blogging about personal finance is something you enjoy doing, including speaking on details of your own financial situation, better you know it right away rather than later on.
I don't think it's something you need to be self-concious of. It's something that is a part of you, and if the guy can't accept that, then too bad for him.
There's probably no point in lying about the PF stuff at this point, since regardless, anyone you date is probably going to Google your name regardless. I do this all the time! Haha. It's why I've been really careful not to reveal any personal details about myself on my own blog—I knew being anonymous would never really be an option for me.
I mean, you could certainly do the same and take down all the really personal specifics from your blog. But then again, it's all information that he's going to find out eventually, so you may as well get it over with now! And you can always use it as an excuse to ask him similar questions. I mean, it's the internet, you know? Nothing is *ever* private.
My recent post Recipe- Walnut Veggie Dip
I feel like taking down personal specifics on this blog really takes away from why people read my website to begin with. So it's kind of a struggle. Do I take information down and protect my privacy? Or, do I just leave it all out in the open, because like you said, it's all information that someone is going to find out eventually!
Yeah, it's definitely tough. As much as it would be awesome to always talk about money, it's still pretty taboo. Sometimes I wish I could be a little more open. In your case, though, I totally get where you're coming from. And since you've been blogging with such transparency for so long, I don't even know if taking it all down would even work. Even if you went through every post, there would still be things you couldn't take down, like Google caches and stuff. Hmm. Good luck figuring it all out!
@melissa I'm super careful and don't reveal too much on my blog as well. I don't want people to know who I am! I just want to share my thoughts and hold myself accountable and that's it.
Krystal, I think you just leave it as is. It's part of you and maybe if it comes up as you continue to date, just say something along the lines of, "I prefer you get to know me through our conversations vs what you read on my blog."
My recent post Weekly To-Do
My husband is a avid coupon user. When we were dating, he told me that he was tempted to use a coupon on our first date, but got talked out of it by his friends and brother. However, he maintains that it is perfectly reasonable and nothing to be ashamed of. This of course puts him in the minority. When he told me about the coupon thing (maybe a couple of dates later, I was definitely a little wary about someone who can't seem to see why this is not romantic). But since we've been together (5 yrs, 2 yrs of marriage, & 1 baby later), I am totally digging his coupon addiction. It really helps make our financial life better.
I think the coupon thing is based on your own personal finance experiences. I see nothing wrong with high-fiving someone for busting out a coupon on the first date. Actually, my hubby & I rarely go out now unless we check our coupon stash.
Using a coupon may be unromantic and there are people who will be horrified at the thought, but there are instances where it is very desirable, such as in one's spouse & SO. And isn't that what dating eventually leads to?
Hi Krystal,
Thanks for sharing this. I think it’s brave of you to be able to ask a guy on a first date how he feels about using coupons. If it’s me, I’d probably be self-conscious and embarrassed. I think many of us would want to present a good impression or image regarding our finances even if sometimes it’s not honest.
I used to shy away from discussions about money but I realized people get unrealistic expectations so now I’m learning to be more open and honest without revealing all the details just so that people know where I stand.
Obviously, you need to find another blogger to date! /joke
I think some people are weirded out by google stalking, but I do it all the time. Welcome to the digital age.
I do it all the time too. It's interesting what you can dig up with a little internet stalking. :)
There are a lot of things that are valid and even desirable in a spouse/partner, but they are still things that you probably shouldn't do or disclose on a first date. Using coupons is a prime example of this (others may include letting the female pay the whole bill, divulging health problems, discussing religious beliefs, and inquiring about past relationships). I have NO problem with people using coupons (or doing any of the above mentioned things). But if a guy did it on a first date it would give me all sorts of pause. I would wonder if he was broke and assume at the least he was a tightwad who would never totally accept with much less suggest any kind of a splurge if we were together. That's just plain unromantic. Giving such a bold impression of stinginess is just not what a man should convey on a date – even if he IS strict on a budget and even if the women DOES find that quality attractive.
He should pick a restaurant he can afford and order freely and smile and suggest dessert and not flinch at the check – and he should certainly not use a coupon or argue the bill or stiff the waiter or valet. It's just like how a woman doesn't and shouldn't have to look pretty all the time – but a first date is one time if ever she is wiling that she should style her hair and throw on some makeup, a skirt and heels.