Life changes, and moving on - Give Me Back My Five Bucks

Life changes, and moving on

Many of you saw a mysterious tweet of mine a few days ago, talking about big changes happening in my life. Now that the dust has settled a bit, I can share the news with you.

I broke up with BF.
This has come as a shock to a lot of people. We have been together for 3.5 years, and never really let on that anything was wrong. Even though for me personally, this has been a long time coming, it is still incredibly difficult to deal with as you can imagine. Of course, because mutual friends and loved ones read this blog, I’m not going to go into the details about why this has happened. The decision came after a lot of serious thought about where I see myself in the future, and has nothing to do with anything that he has done. He is an amazing person, and I truly wish the best for him.

Moving forward, I will be okay. I’d like to think that I’m independent and resourceful. I have a great job, I have friends and family that care about me, and I have hobbies that will keep me busy. Still, I can’t help but be heartbroken and saddened that I’ve lost my best friend.

I am going to buy a place on my own.
The property search will continue. For the longest time, I thought I’d never be able to buy a place on my own. It scared me. But over the past few months, I’ve come to realize that I can do this by myself. While it’s not the most important thing in my life, it’s been my #1 goal since I started the process of getting out of debt. And now that I am finally in a position to buy a place, I can’t believe I’m doing it in Vancouver – where I never thought I’d end up (I’m an island girl at heart). But it’s the right place for me to be, and I’m very excited.

There you have it. Life changes sometimes, and it’s hard, and scary, and overwhelming. But I firmly believe that how you deal and react to these kinds of situations really sets the tone for the future and shapes you as a person. You learn from everything you do, and you just have to move forward knowing that you’re stronger because of it.

And now, a little “Chin Up, Cheer Up” by Ryan Adams.

About Krystal Yee

I'm a writer, personal finance blogger, and marketing professional based in Vancouver. I'm a former Toronto Star (Moneyville) columnist, author of The Beginner's Guide to Saving and Investing, and co-founder of the Canadian Personal Finance Conference. When I'm not working, you can usually find me running, playing field hockey, or plotting my next adventure.

55 comments

  1. Sorry to hear about you and your bf breaking up. I'm sure that was really difficult especially after being together for 3.5 years.

    Good to hear that you are going to still look to buy a place. You never want to give up that #1 goal. Good Luck!
    My recent post March 2011 Blog Statistics

  2. Krystal, I always read your blog but never comment. I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up. Break-ups suck no matter who initiated it.
    My recent post Gas is Ridiculous!!!!

  3. Sorry to hear that. No matter the circumstances or the reasons, breaking up always sucks. I applaud you for going ahead on your own with the house purchase. Smart decision!
    My recent post All I can say is EWWWWW!!!!

  4. I'm sorry to hear this – breakups are always hard, but they also almost always result in personal growth for both parties involved.

    Best of luck Krystal! I know you will be fine!
    My recent post April 2011 Goals

  5. I am so sorry to hear that. I am sure you have your reasons and it must feel awful to lose your best friend. But this too shall pass and I am sure you will become stronger and wiser from this experience. Like you said, you have a lot of hobbies and it's great that you are going to buy a place of your own. Good luck!

  6. I'm sorry about your break up, keep your head up your a strong individual.

    I'm glad that you are still going after your goal, don't let anything get in your way of accomplishing what you want to do.
    My recent post Is one day enough to make a difference

  7. You listened to your mind, even though your heart is broken. Good for you, it's a tough but honest decision you did for yourself. Still, I am so incredibly sorry! All break-ups suck. Just lean on your friends/family :)
    My recent post New York City Life- Some Updates

  8. I was in a similar situation last June. I broke up with my boyfriend of 6.5 years. I saw it coming but most others did not which made it hard. However it was the right thing to do and I'm happier now. You have a lot of new changes coming and things will get better :)
    My recent post Update

  9. thewanderingbudget

    So sorry to hear you're going through all this! Break-ups are so hard on the heart but that first taste of "I'm going to be okay" is so empowering. Best of luck- you'll do great :)

  10. I take back when I tweeted I was excited to hear your news. :(

    I am so sorry that things had to end, but it just shows how strong you really are – going after your goals, independently. I have no doubt you'll be just fine. But I also know that breaking up is never easy. Big internet hugs. ;)

  11. So sorry to hear about your breakup.

    May I suggest that u not rush through house buying. Give it a couple of months. Re-assess and see if you still want to buy a house on your own.

    • Thank you for your concern. I am definitely not rushing into buying a place. It is a calculated move that I've been thinking of for about 5 years. And just because I'm now single, I don't see why that would stop me if I can accomplish the goal on my own.

  12. I am so sorry that you and your bf break up, it must be a difficult decision, but I have faith in whatever decision you make it the best for your future. Reading your blog all this time, I know you are a strong independent women and I have no doubt that you will move on and achieve your goals and continue to provide great insight in the blogsphere.

    Take care and always be positive!
    My recent post Wants Vs Needs

  13. Krystal, tough news about the breakup – were you guys living together?

  14. If the breakup wasn't messy, he could still be your friend. It's hard at first, but it is possible. I hope you're feeling better soon, I know how much it sucks breaking up after so many years.

    Being able to buy a home in Vancouver is a HUGE accomplishment! I look forward to the posts as you navigate the ins and outs of real estate :)
    My recent post 24 Hours

  15. That is shocking news! I'm sorry to hear it-as others have said, even if it's for the best, break-ups are tough. Best of luck working through this transition.

  16. Wow! This is some crazy news! You are a very intelligent, independent & strong young woman. It takes a lot of courage to break up with someone especially when you've spent 3.5 years of your life with each other. Hope everything works out and wish you the best! *hugs*
    My recent post My RRSP Refund

  17. Really sorry to hear this…. It explains the message you left on my blog about solo travel!!! You are so strong, I have no doubt great things are waiting for you :-)

  18. I've been in your shoes and definitely recommend a good cry with a pint of your favorite ice cream (or other favorite food). Then…keep busy girl. I know you won't have a problem with this, but no time like the present to take on a new project.

    If you don't mind sharing with the blogosphere, how is your living situation working for right now? And any advise to give us on dis-entangling any joint accounts? Also, are you still planning a Thailand trip for the end of this year?
    My recent post Walnut Theory

  19. I can completely relate to what you are going through.. I did the same thing with a bf I’d been together with for 4.5 years and lived together for about 3. I will honestly say it was the hardest and toughest decision I had to make in my life. BUT I learned that I’m rather independent, found myself and a new wonderful boyfriend who makes me feel like a princess. If there are any questions about the current boyfriend, you need to move on for yourself. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my ex, but you need to do these things for yourself and happiness will come down the road. Focus on the house!!! Hang in there!! xxx

  20. Krystal, I'm really sorry to hear this, I hope you and he are both able to move on and stay friends. Good luck with the house hunting, buying a place on your own in the Greater Vancouver Region will be an awesome accomplishment!

  21. *hug* I'm so sorry to hear this but I know you did what was best for you. Stay strong. Good luck buying your first place, I can't wait to read more about it.

  22. Chin Up. We have full confidence in you coming out of this A-Ok!
    My recent post Sustainability Tip 102 – eFile

  23. Financial Uproar

    Well, that's crappy news.

    I was once on the receiving end of a breakup like this. As time has passed though, I completely understand why she did it. It completely sucked for a while, then slowly got better.

    I haven't spoken to my ex since the breakup and I wouldn't want to either. It would just be too hard to be friends with someone I once felt so strongly about. I wouldn't want to be friends with my ex.

    Oh, and potato chips are an excellent comfort food. Anything with Lays or Doritos on it is good… Did I just plug my employer on a blog post about heartbreak?
    My recent post How Come Cheap Airlines Are So Cheap

    • Ha, I love the potato chip shout out. Good thing I have braces and can't eat that stuff, otherwise I might end up gaining weight over the next few weeks. :)

  24. The Dividend Ninja

    Hey Krystal,

    You know these changes are always for the best, its hard to know that when its happening, but it will be :) I think you need to drink more beer and FU's advice of more potato chips <– now that's good advice.

    On another note I think you should hold off purchasing property until you are absolutely sure you can afford it. LOL Vancouver is expensive! Not the best time to make big decisions.. Take care ^^

    • The properties I am looking at are well within my price range, and I am absolutely sure that I can afford it. Fortunately for me, I've realized that over the years, during stressful situations, I am able to make practical, level headed decisions. :)

  25. the broke sensualist

    Sorry to hear about the break-up. They're never easy to go through. Best of luck in achieving your goals and dreams, and stay strong.
    My recent post April 2011 goals

  26. Wow, sorry to hear that but it sounds like it's the right thing for you. I wish you the best as you begin this new journey. Keep us posted!

  27. I'm sorry to hear the news. I recommend some serious beer therapy.
    My recent post LinkStuff – Spring Is Here Again

  28. Sorry to hear about your breakup. It's definitely tough, but it sounds like you know it was for the best. Take care, and good luck with the continuing house-hunt.
    My recent post Weekly Update April 4-10

  29. Ah Man! I'm now unhappy about the message I left on your twitter about your news. I was hoping it was something over the top exciting, instead of a heartache masking itself as an adventure. It's difficult making the decision to end a relationship. It sounds like you are handling this level-headed-ly (is that a word?). Moving forward – finding a place for yourself will be a nice fresh slate to begin new adventures in your life. All the best through this!
    My recent post Eyes Wide Open

  30. fabulouslyfrugirl

    I'm sorry to hear about your break-up Krystal. It's hard for both parties, but there is also a great chance to grow and learn from all the experiences you've shared together.

    Chin up, you'll be fine. :) *hugs*
    My recent post Review- Pure and Simple Spa

  31. Oh, wow! Can't offer any advise but certainly lots of sympathy. As the classic poster of the kitten on the rope says: "Hang in there, baby!"
    My recent post Getting started on the final countdown

  32. Oh, I'm really sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. That is not at all what I expected from your tweet. Break-ups suck whether or not they are the right thing.

    Congratulations on sticking to your goal of buying a place!
    My recent post Ending Friendships

  33. Oh noo… I'm so sorry. I feel like an ass for making a comment on your previous post. Sorry to hear about the bad news, it must have been a really tough decision, but sometimes these changes are for the better. I'm sure you'll find someone as outdoorsy, adventurous, level headed, and smart as you soon. Break ups suck big time… :(
    My recent post National Advance Care Planning Day- Start the Conversation

  34. Sorry to hear about your breakup :( I know it must be hard, even if you broke up with him. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose my boyfriend – even if it were my decision. Sometimes you just gotta do what's best for you.
    I admire you for sticking to your guns and still looking to buy a place. Good for you!
    My recent post Worst day ever

  35. I'm so sorry to hear this Krystal, but it sounds like you will move on from this stronger. Good luck with buying your own place in Vancouver..how awesome! :)
    My recent post In extra frugal mode

  36. Sorry to hear about the break up, but I'm sure it will be the best thing for both of you.

    And good luck on your hunt for your new place! I kinda went through the same thing a year and a half ago… I started looking for a place, the guy I was dating freaked out because he thought I was trying to tie him down (when I was buying the place on my own), Broke up with me, and now I've got my own house and I couldn't be more proud of myself for doing it on my own!

    Just make sure you find 'THE' place for you. Don't settle! I looked at probably 100 properties before I found this one that fits my criteria. And I really do love the place. And it's mine, all mine!!!
    My recent post Weekly Money Check-up!

  37. Awwww I'm sorry Krystal and am happy that as much as your heart aches you can look at this situation quite logically and know this is for the best. I find a few things can help with a breakup- long bubble baths, cry it out, drinks and lots of laughter with friends and family and as mentioned give yourself time to grieve your loss.
    Thanks for being a great financial guru and sharing moments of your life with us :)

  38. I'm sorry to hear about this, Krystal!

    He must have had some great qualities to have been your BF for 3.5 yrs and yes, the loss is tough for both parties, no matter who initiated it.. People do grow up, in different directions – this is very natural. The idea here is not to take it personal. It has happened to me with some of my good friends from childhood. It is very tough to let them go, but it has to happen for the sake of both parties involved. May you both find peace with the situation and move on with each of your lives.

  39. Oh wow, I totally didn't see this coming. You definitely did a good job of keeping any issues on the D.L.

    It sounds like you're doing very well with everything. I wish you (and him) all of the best in the future.
    My recent post Three Weeks!

  40. Hi Krystal, I have been reading your blog for a while now and I never commented on any posts. At the beginning when I first started reading your blog, you gave me the impression of a typical person writing about PF and are providing basic and 'childish' PF experiences, tools, comments, techniques, etc. However, as I read on, your PF knowledge & experiences impressed me very much. The financial plan, budget, goals, timelines and checks are amazingly organized, well structured and seasoned.

    I bookmarked your blog ever since and read it every day. I would even check your blog a few times a day to see if you have posted anything. I then noticed that you have a BF and are living with him. But never once on your blog have I seen a contingent plan mentioned 'In the event that you break up with your BF', but then you are making big decisions like buying a HOUSE! But then again, maybe you have and just didn't publish it out.

    I believe that the 2 of your lives are quite integrated due to living together and the fact that you are running on a "Personal Finance" basis, it would be better to have financial plans that is just strictly yourself, including the event that you become single again. (This would prevent the whole issue of being surprised or financially distressed, which is the whole point of financial planning right?)

    I think that unless two people are married (as in legally bound or common-law) you always need to keep a mindset on yourself only, (and treat your significant other as an expense/saving goal or just another component in your financial plans and this strictly applies to only the ‘financial atmosphere’) because a relationship is nothing more than feelings of 2 and there is absolutely nothing legal or commitment to it. This might sound dumb, but all of our numbers that we are tracking, budgeting and planning for are real physical figures but a relationship is not and should not be measurable.

    • Hi Sam. Thank you so much for your comments. I've come a very long way since I first started blogging, and I really appreciate the fact that you've kept reading for so long.

      Because my goal in life is financial independence, I always have a contingency plan, and I always try to make sure that I am financially protected. Which is why I was so obsessed with getting my Emergency Fund to $5k this year. I didn't feel comfortable talking about having a back-up plan should a break-up happen, because ex-BF reads this block sometimes. I take into consideration a lot of different factors when making financial decisions, and I'd like to think that I'm prepared for most things thrown my way.

      We did not have any joint accounts. We had a "joint" savings account which was actually only in my name, and has nothing in it anymore. He is also a cardholder on one of my credit cards, but all transactions had to be discussed before making purchases. I absolutely make sure to protect myself during any relationship. I've been burned before by ex-boyfriends, and I'll never make that mistake again.

  41. Sorry to hear you've broken up but you're the only one who can know what the right thing to do was and better to do it if you needed to than stick with something that's not working. Well done for being able to make the decision. Sorting out all the details of no longer living together and finances etc. will be difficult but not impossible and I wish you all the best with that. And good luck on your continuing househunt. :)
    My recent post Service costs refund

    • Ooops. Should have read through all the posts I've missed this week before commenting and I would have know to not wish you luck on your continuing househunt but to wish you luck with getting the purchase of your new house finalised. :)
      My recent post Service costs refund

  42. You're a strong person Krystal, You'll come out fine, more than fine. From the little I know of you and your bf, you deserve better. Btw, that's not a knock against him, it's a compliment for you.

  43. Just like what you have said, i know you will be okay. In God's time you can smile again. You still have your family and friends so there's still a reason to live and be happy. Even though you lost your boyfriend, i know something else will come to you, something better. I really admire your opinion on this because some people become hopeless when they break up with their loved ones. It's as if you try to look at the brighter side of the picture. It's a good thing also that you don't feel any bitterness on him. You let go of him with an open mind. And i truly admire for that… i hope that the next person you'll meet will give you happiness that you deserve.
    My recent post Reasons Why Online Dating is Fun!

  44. Sorry about your break up with your BF, cheer up, life must go on. Learn to live without worries because GOD will make a way for everything.

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