Potential temporary LD relationship
So. The courses BF needs to graduate from his program aren’t available in town. So he’s thinking of moving away for 3 months in the fall to compete his courses elsewhere. Otherwise he’ll have to wait until January to enroll. Which would mean a long-distance relationship and maybe no trip to Hawaii. Boo to both! :(
When BF first told me of his potential plan to move away, I was not in favour. At all. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can, because it is a great opportunity for him to get going with his career – but I hate hate hate LD relationships. I’ve been in them before. They don’t work and they put a huge strain on the relationship. Luckily this would only be for 3 months, although there is a chance he will have to do a co-op type placement for 6 months in some random town in the province. But, there’s an end in sight if BF does have to move away, and we have a solid relationship so I know we will be able to do it. It just sucks.
What does this mean? Hawaii is on hold, possibly canceled if BF decides to move. I could go by myself, and I still might … but 1) it’s much more expensive to go by myself, and 2) it was really supposed to be a vacation for the both of us – as well as being there for my friend’s wedding. Going to Hawaii by myself doesn’t really sound that great. Of course, I still want to see my friend get married, but she will be having a full blessing and a big reception in town. Which I would be okay with going to, but I know I’d be disappointed to not be there for the real ceremony. And I don’t want to be a bad friend and totally bail on her ceremony just because my BF can’t go. Not that she would mind. As of right now, BF and I were the only non-family members who were going to Hawaii – the rest of her friends couldn’t afford it. I guess I have to think about it.
BF said that if he does have to move away, maybe we could shorten our trip to Hawaii or maybe he’d be able to take the time off to go – he thinks the course might have days on and off. But nothing is finalized, and everything is up on the air. He said he’ll have everything figured out in the next couple of weeks.
45 days till Mexico!!! :)
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I disagree, I think LD relationships can work. I was in one for 2y5m before we got married and moved in with each other. And we weren't even on the same land mass. Transatlatic flights suck but I think if you really want to you can manage. :)
I guess I meant to say that I don't think LD relationships work if there's no end in sight, know what I mean? If there's no talk about eventually being together (one person moving), or if there's no timeline to look forward to (for the LD to end), it just doesn't work. At least not in my opinion.
I guess I meant to say that I don't think LD relationships work if there's no end in sight, know what I mean? If there's no talk about eventually being together (one person moving), or if there's no timeline to look forward to (for the LD to end), it just doesn't work. At least not in my opinion.
Definitely LD relationships can work. I've personally been in 3 before and neither of them worked. But that's because there wasn't an end in sight. Or, the end was too far away. Or maybe they just weren't the right person for me.
I think as you get older and in more committed and serious relationships, long distance works much better. It also is extremely common in your 20s I think, as people move around for school/jobs – so many of my friends had times where they weren't in the same city as their partner. You are right though, 3 months should be no problem. Un-fun but I'm sure you'll be fine in the long run!
My recent post WanderList
My ex is in the military and he was sent on training for 3 months out of every calendar year. It sucked, but it's really over before you know it. If there is an end date, it's definitely not a LD relationship, it's just a temporary adjustment to your living situation. =P Assuming your relationship is stable it should be fine – you both just have to work a little harder at keeping the communication going while he's away.
My recent post Our Lady Peace
The boyfriend and I were long distance for 4 years! And there was really no end in sight until I finished grad school and we decided that I was going to move to LA. It sucked, yes, but it brought us together in different ways and made us stronger. And it's only 3 months! That's nothing :-) If this is really important to him, you should be entirely supportive.
Did you guys talk about how bills would be handled – if he moved and paid rent somewhere else, would you pay the full rent where you're living now?
Well if he does move away to do these courses, he would be moving in with his aunt/uncle for free, so that would be taken care of. As for rent on our current place, although we haven't discussed it – if it came down to it, it wouldn't be a problem for me to pay full rent for 3 months. It's not like my rent is that much to begin with. :)
Well if he does move away to do these courses, he would be moving in with his aunt/uncle for free, so that would be taken care of. As for rent on our current place, although we haven't discussed it – if it came down to it, it wouldn't be a problem for me to pay full rent for 3 months. It's not like my rent is that much to begin with. :)
I personally think the best test for a relationship is going LD for atleast awhile. If two people need a physical presence every single day for it to last, they are probably not in a good relationship. I would say this is a good thing, which might make you both discover things you didn't know before.
Agreed. For the past 2 years, BF has gone on a 3-week mountain climbing trip without cell/internet or any other sort of contact. It was a tough 3 weeks each time, but we did it. Harder for me, because I was always worried about his safety. And these 3 months will be easier because we'll at least be able to talk to each other while he's away.
Agreed. For the past 2 years, BF has gone on a 3-week mountain climbing trip without cell/internet or any other sort of contact. It was a tough 3 weeks each time, but we did it. Harder for me, because I was always worried about his safety. And these 3 months will be easier because we'll at least be able to talk to each other while he's away.
I really hope you guys can still make your trip!
BF was in the army for six months – left just after we first got together. It was tough, but it will be harder for you as you've had all these years of time together already.
Just think, big picture, 3 months isn't really too long.
BF is now jobhunting, and I'd be happy at this point if we had to do LD for a while – just to kickstart his career and get some cashflow going again. He's mentioned possibly reenlisting but would want me to move away with him in that case…not keen on that.
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put the trip on hold till he is done… you'll have saved that much more and could do something fun. or use the money for Hawaii to visit him mid-semester for a staycation?
Well, I don't think we'd go to Hawaii at all if it weren't for my friend's wedding, and we can't really put her wedding on hold! :) Hawaii is just a place we've never had much interest in visiting. So I think that if we were to miss my friend's wedding there, we probably wouldn't go at all. There are so many more (imo) interesting and cheaper places to visit than Hawaii.
Well, I don't think we'd go to Hawaii at all if it weren't for my friend's wedding, and we can't really put her wedding on hold! :) Hawaii is just a place we've never had much interest in visiting. So I think that if we were to miss my friend's wedding there, we probably wouldn't go at all. There are so many more (imo) interesting and cheaper places to visit than Hawaii.
Hmm…I can hear my thoughts shouting while reading your post. "LD! Oh no!" I'm not saying this to discourage you because I know that you also have your own thoughts about this. I have experienced that for 2 weeks and it was like forever for me. But here's what I'm gonna tell you. Let your love and trust prevail for 3 months and I'm sure that nothing can go wrong. You're lucky that your BF gave you an assurance that he'll have everything figured out. I think that it's very sweet.
Hmm…I can hear my thoughts shouting while reading your post. “LD! Oh no!” I'm not saying this to discourage you because I know that you also have your own thoughts about this. I have experienced that for 2 weeks and it was like forever for me. But here's what I'm gonna tell you. Let your love and trust prevail for 3 months and I'm sure that nothing can go wrong. You're lucky that your BF gave you an assurance that he'll have everything figured out. I think that it's very sweet.
I agree that it's "un-fun" but it's totally do-able. I left town 5 days after I got married to start grad school. DH had to stay to work, as there was no work in his field where I was going to school. We did it for 1.5 years until he had enough experience to find work where I was. I won't lie and say it was great, but sometimes in order to get educated/advance your career, you gotta do what you gotta do. Really, you're a busy gal, 3 months will be over before you know it!
I don't think they're nearly so bad when you're older and in a committed relationship.
We've done it twice so far:
1) The first time we had been dating for nearly a year and he got transferred 4 hours away for work. He came home on weekends.
2) The second time, I got posted to Afghanistan for 2.5 months (on very short notice). No weekends, obviously.
It's not fun, but it's totally doable, and I found it actually made our relationship stronger. Harder to take each other for granted.
I'm currently in a LD relationship and I agree that it sucks. It's doable if the people are right for each other, but yes, it totally sucks. Will make your relationship and communication much better though!
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[...] remember when I mentioned that BF and I might have to do the long distance thing for 3-9 months? Turns out that BF found a program that he can do in Vancouver, which will run from July-November. [...]