A post about relationships and debt

I once worked with a guy who was in debt. I was still in school, so I was in debt too. We would sometimes talk about our debt, and how we were dealing with it. He had maxed out his line of credit, so in order to avoid paying down the debt, whenever he got paid, he would dump his entire pay cheque into the LOC, and then take it right back out again – thereby making it seem as if he had made a payment. It seemed like a sneaky little plan, so I did that for a while too. Actually, probably until I graduated college. So, for about a year I would just transfer money back and forth from my accounts, and coasted along … spending more and more, and getting deeper and deeper into debt.

Nobody knew that I did that. My family had no idea, and I didn’t tell any of my friends. I didn’t even tell the guy who told me about it. I just did it. I mean, I knew people in debt were doing the same thing as me, and for some reason it didn’t make me feel as bad. I remember lying to my mom about how much I owed on my LOC (she was the co-signer). I remember even telling my ex-BF that I didn’t carry a balance on my credit cards. But I did. And that was 5 or 6 months into the relationship.

The point is, nobody knew I was in debt. I mean, they knew I had student loans, but not the maxed out credit cards or the maxed out LOC. It’s easy to hide debt, because you can’t tell just by looking at that person what their net worth is, or how much they owe the credit card companies. And because of that, it makes it so easy to ignore the debt.

Even now, because I’m so open with this blog, you all know exactly how much I have, down to the penny. But if you saw me, and were just to make an assumption of me, you couldn’t tell how much money I was worth. If I saw a person like myself wearing my standard articles of clothing – hoodie, jeans, converse skate shoes … I’d probably guess that person lives pay cheque-to-pay cheque, and that they may or may not have a hard time making ends meet.

And then I look at BF. And I have no clue what his financial situation is. I mean, I know the basics. I know approximately how much he makes. I know he pays for everything in cash or with his debit card. I know he made a lot of money on a piece of property he owned a few years ago. I know that over the past few months, he’s been spending more than he earns, because he’s been buying hiking gear like nobody’s business (for the trip that he’s currently on). I know his car loan has a high interest rate due to him not taking care of his finances when he was younger. I can relate to that, because I was there too. But other than that? No clue. Absolutely no idea. I don’t even have a ballpark figure about how much he has. Part of me really wants to know, but another part of me doesn’t even want to go there. It’s a touchy subject, and it’s something I always avoided talking about in past relationships. It’s just that with this blog, I can’t exactly turtle and hide from any of it anymore.

I don’t really know what this post is about, and I feel like the point of this all is right around the corner … but I haven’t quite put my finger on it yet. It’s driving me insane. I’ll have to get back to you.