I don’t want to start job-hunting again :(

October 16th marks the end of my 3-month probation at the new job, and I’m so nervous! There have been 3 admin assistants in a row let go, all within 3 days of their probation end date, and one IT guy let go on the day of his end date. I don’t want to get fired from this job, because I love it!

Ever since my closed door meeting with my boss, I think I’ve improved a lot in the way I carry myself at work. I’m taking baby steps outside of my comfort zone, and one of the directors commented that she’s glad I’m coming out of my shell. I’ve made friends, and I’m sociable with them … and I feel like I can joke and talk with anyone in the office. That being said, I’m not sure if it’s going to be enough. I haven’t really connected (or even had a real conversation) with the President, and I remember my boss telling me that we all live and die by what the President thinks of us … without that personal connection to her, I feel like I’m easily disposable.

I’ve tried to show the President my personality, but it’s hard. She’s always in and out, on a plane, out of the country, in a rush, etc. … and because she doesn’t have that connection with me, she won’t stop in my office to chat, she’ll just rush by, looking busy. I try to smile and say “hi, how are you?” in passing, but that’s all I can usually get out before she’s gone. And she hasn’t given me any projects in a while because she’s been out of town, so I can’t even strike up a conversation with her about that.

And I know that I’m doing well at my actual job – my writing has been a little choppy, but I’m still learning how to ghostwrite in the President’s voice … and my project management skills are fine. I’ve kept on top of every project, and haven’t missed one deadline yet.

There’s just a nagging feeling I have; like I already know I’m going to get fired. And I’m not just saying this because I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’m going to try my hardest in the next 2 weeks, but I don’t think I’ll be shocked if I’m asked to leave. Just really disappointed in myself.